My Best Friend

I will be your hide and seek partner when you have no one to play with,
And I will help dig for buried treasure in the sand when shovels and buckets are lacking.
If you ever feel alone, sad, or bored, I will be there to listen, counsel and give hugs.
I will be there to make you feel special,
I will be there to make you feel loved,
And I will be there to make you feel extraordinary.
Etiquette and manners are of no use to me, and I will never ask those things of you.
All I ask for is your love and I will give you mine forever.

Patience

It's hard to really know how much patience you have until you're stretched to your limit, brought to a point where you feel like frustration is about to burst through and you make a big scene and everyone is looking at you awkwardly. We like to think that we're patient, kind and understanding people, but we're really not (at least I'm not). I've been working for an autism center for 5 or 6 months now and let me say, this is probably the hardest job I've ever had. I basically meet with families with children that have autism and do session of behavioral therapy. What I actually do depends on what the kid needs and what his goals are, everybody's different. It's a very rewarding job but also very exhausting mentally. A one hour session requires loads of mental preparation to keep myself sane. It actually sounds pretty horrible the more I describe it but it's more about me and my lack of patience. When people ask me how I like the job, I always tell them I'm learning a lot about myself, about how little patience I actually have.

It makes me think about God and his patience for us. I work with these kids a few hours out of the week, but God sees us every moment of every day, yet he has enough patience to hold back his wrath and say to us, "It's ok." It's a very humbling reality to know that God has that much more patience that I do. I've never head God say to me that He's fed up with me and storm away fuming with frustration, which is what I've experienced a lot with my earthly father. A lot of the times rather, I feel, even in my lowest moments in life, God's joy blanketing over me with enough affection to where my failures no longer matter.

I will never have this kind of patience, I'm just not capable of it, this is one that God kept for Himself. But this brings me comfort to know that His patience will always be enough for me.

Have you eaten yet?

My parents provided for me, sometimes emotionally but mainly financially. The lack of emotional is something I can't change and is not to be made light of. It is a sad reality but reality none the less. So often I forget my parents guidance in school, life skills, and manners. And not to mention food in my belly everyday. I forget those things and I focus on what is lacking. Where is my emotional support? Why are you not encouraging? These are valid questions and asking/wanting these things doesn't make us weak in any way. We are social beings and it's natural for us to desire these things. Everybody wants a comforting touch and warm words when we're going through tough times. But when we really look deeper into what our parents went through, I believe we get a better picture of their lives and why they do the things they do.

I remember sitting with my grandma a few months ago and she was telling us stories back in the day when they lived in China. I could see her getting lost in her own words, surrounding herself with dusty memories that haven't been entertained in decades. I could almost picture the field that she played in, the primitive yet amazing ways they used to amuse themselves. My grandma said she used to catch cicadas (those crazy big bugs that make this rattling/buzzing sound) by chewing strawberries(because they didn't have gum) and sticking it on a long stick and basically pock the cicadas in the tree and trapping them in the sticky strawberry goo(I'll spare you the details of what she did with them next). Amazing. I can also picture the kung fu tournaments held in the market places with people flying on tables and roof tops. Wait, they had those right? Maybe I've been watching too many kung fu movies.

But it wasn't all care free play time back then. She also talked about how she and her siblings would be forced into refugee because of the civil war going on. They eventually made it to Taiwan but it was a long road traveled. The only things they had were their wits and each other. And the only thing that mattered was getting food in their belly and trying not to starve. What good would talking about their feelings do? They had to survive. So when the first thing I get asked when I'm home is, "Have you eaten?" and not "How are you? So glad you're back!" I don't see a lack of emotional support, I see a desire for their son to survive.

So when I have children I'll do my best to be an emotionally supportive father, encouraging them in their own journey of life. But I'll also make sure they know where they come from, telling stories of how their great grandparents suffered and endured so that we, their children, may have the privilege to enjoy the things they never had.

So thank you grandma, thank you grandpa. Thanks mom, thanks dad.

Daddy

I cannot call Him Daddy, yet it rings truer and truer in my ear,
The closeness to His tenderness is what I seem to fear,
I have no memory with my father of this deep connection,
But He continues to beckon me to call upon Him in this deep reflection,
What is it about this word that demands my attention so?
As if this intimacy I once used to know,
Something so familiar and safe yet so distant,
I hear Him calling my name I cannot resist
Him begging me to call Him Daddy.

Funny things we do at gyms

I was at the gym yesterday and the funniest thing happened (and by funniest thing, I mean the funniest thing that has happened at a gym). Warming up on a treadmill next to me was a guy who was doing some stretches on the treadmill, fairly typical. But then he started into some deep stretches that mimicked a ballet dancer, and he goes at it for a good 5 minutes. At this point the awkwardness is pretty apparent, people (me) are spying from their peripheral. Then he starts running, finally, but then he starts galloping.....like a gazelle! Every other step is a leap into the weirdest workout I've ever seen, and one step closer to me bursting out in laughter. Oh man it was so hard not to laugh.

The gym is a funny place.

Dance for Joy

Me

It is a poignant day as I watch the leaves sway,
back and forth on the branches jagged and alone,
without their hanging friends they are truly known.
I fill my life with fluff and pleasant smelling scents,
like the lonely branches without them I am bare and,
relent-lessly finding new ways to hide my secret.
It is the alone-ness that I fear,
hanging on like two agents in black after my dear,
and precious guarded insecurities
that I hold so tightly to keep safe and close,
because if the world lays it's sights upon them,
it will shrink back and wither oh little rose.
Lots of friends, trendy clothes and latest gizzmos,
maybe it is not you who defines me. No,
it is the darkest night filled with silence so loud it deafens
where I find my deepest Me,
the Me who God so fearfully and intricately made me to be.
That Me.
The Me that seeks no ones approval but the Father,
the Me that is willing to go,
farther and further past the sandiest desert man can map,
to the deepest part of my soul that I fear the most.
Where no monsters with horns and three heads stay,
but where my dreams and my fears intertwine and lay,
colliding together and making it the scariest place on earth.
So do not ask me where I will go for the Lord,
but ask me if I will stay,
in the place where no sword
nor shield are needed,
but only courage and faith is your weapon,
against the questions you are so afraid to ask, and
pride preys upon,
the meek and humble minded Me I am so afraid to be.
That is where I will go for the Lord,
to find the Me deep down within me,
and embrace him like an old friend you once knew and remembered.
A smirk, a smile, and a freckle you've once seen,
Oh Joy, it is you!
The Me deep down within me.
Stay, my friend and we will enjoy the simplest pleasures,
for it is the Lord's fetter
that allows us to be together.
Let us catch up on old times, reminisce of good days,
the days where we climbed trees and danced in the waves
of the ocean that seems to wash upon it's shore,
hints and clues to a secret He knows,
a secret that can be found only
by working together and traveling on a road,
where two sets of feet look better than one.
Come Me.