Patience

It's hard to really know how much patience you have until you're stretched to your limit, brought to a point where you feel like frustration is about to burst through and you make a big scene and everyone is looking at you awkwardly. We like to think that we're patient, kind and understanding people, but we're really not (at least I'm not). I've been working for an autism center for 5 or 6 months now and let me say, this is probably the hardest job I've ever had. I basically meet with families with children that have autism and do session of behavioral therapy. What I actually do depends on what the kid needs and what his goals are, everybody's different. It's a very rewarding job but also very exhausting mentally. A one hour session requires loads of mental preparation to keep myself sane. It actually sounds pretty horrible the more I describe it but it's more about me and my lack of patience. When people ask me how I like the job, I always tell them I'm learning a lot about myself, about how little patience I actually have.

It makes me think about God and his patience for us. I work with these kids a few hours out of the week, but God sees us every moment of every day, yet he has enough patience to hold back his wrath and say to us, "It's ok." It's a very humbling reality to know that God has that much more patience that I do. I've never head God say to me that He's fed up with me and storm away fuming with frustration, which is what I've experienced a lot with my earthly father. A lot of the times rather, I feel, even in my lowest moments in life, God's joy blanketing over me with enough affection to where my failures no longer matter.

I will never have this kind of patience, I'm just not capable of it, this is one that God kept for Himself. But this brings me comfort to know that His patience will always be enough for me.