Daddy

I cannot call Him Daddy, yet it rings truer and truer in my ear,
The closeness to His tenderness is what I seem to fear,
I have no memory with my father of this deep connection,
But He continues to beckon me to call upon Him in this deep reflection,
What is it about this word that demands my attention so?
As if this intimacy I once used to know,
Something so familiar and safe yet so distant,
I hear Him calling my name I cannot resist
Him begging me to call Him Daddy.

Funny things we do at gyms

I was at the gym yesterday and the funniest thing happened (and by funniest thing, I mean the funniest thing that has happened at a gym). Warming up on a treadmill next to me was a guy who was doing some stretches on the treadmill, fairly typical. But then he started into some deep stretches that mimicked a ballet dancer, and he goes at it for a good 5 minutes. At this point the awkwardness is pretty apparent, people (me) are spying from their peripheral. Then he starts running, finally, but then he starts galloping.....like a gazelle! Every other step is a leap into the weirdest workout I've ever seen, and one step closer to me bursting out in laughter. Oh man it was so hard not to laugh.

The gym is a funny place.

Dance for Joy

Me

It is a poignant day as I watch the leaves sway,
back and forth on the branches jagged and alone,
without their hanging friends they are truly known.
I fill my life with fluff and pleasant smelling scents,
like the lonely branches without them I am bare and,
relent-lessly finding new ways to hide my secret.
It is the alone-ness that I fear,
hanging on like two agents in black after my dear,
and precious guarded insecurities
that I hold so tightly to keep safe and close,
because if the world lays it's sights upon them,
it will shrink back and wither oh little rose.
Lots of friends, trendy clothes and latest gizzmos,
maybe it is not you who defines me. No,
it is the darkest night filled with silence so loud it deafens
where I find my deepest Me,
the Me who God so fearfully and intricately made me to be.
That Me.
The Me that seeks no ones approval but the Father,
the Me that is willing to go,
farther and further past the sandiest desert man can map,
to the deepest part of my soul that I fear the most.
Where no monsters with horns and three heads stay,
but where my dreams and my fears intertwine and lay,
colliding together and making it the scariest place on earth.
So do not ask me where I will go for the Lord,
but ask me if I will stay,
in the place where no sword
nor shield are needed,
but only courage and faith is your weapon,
against the questions you are so afraid to ask, and
pride preys upon,
the meek and humble minded Me I am so afraid to be.
That is where I will go for the Lord,
to find the Me deep down within me,
and embrace him like an old friend you once knew and remembered.
A smirk, a smile, and a freckle you've once seen,
Oh Joy, it is you!
The Me deep down within me.
Stay, my friend and we will enjoy the simplest pleasures,
for it is the Lord's fetter
that allows us to be together.
Let us catch up on old times, reminisce of good days,
the days where we climbed trees and danced in the waves
of the ocean that seems to wash upon it's shore,
hints and clues to a secret He knows,
a secret that can be found only
by working together and traveling on a road,
where two sets of feet look better than one.
Come Me.

Oh how He loves us...

The past couple days of tv-watching have been really interesting, I can't seem to get away from shows talking about divorce, love, infidelity, etc. One day I saw an episode of Dr. Phil where a married woman was having a romantic relationship with a man not her husband. It was a love triangle and all three of them were on the show sitting beside each other finally confronting the issue. Another day I saw a 20/20 episode (I think it was) where a newly wed couple from London would drive down the Pan-American Highway on a motorcycle. 20,000+ miles! (Yikes that's a long ride!) But after the ride they would have their brain scanned to see how much brain activity is occurring in the "love" department of the brain.

I don't know if it's just me but it seems like even in the 21st century, we're still nowhere closer to figuring out love and marriage. We have brains scans to tell us where our brain is most active and we have books on marriage and counseling but the divorce rate is still 50%. It just seems like there's a disconnect somewhere, something we're not getting and we can't seem to figure out what it is.

For the past year or so I've been reading the book of Hosea. Even read a book called Redeeming Love, which retells the story of Hosea in the 1800's, all my Christian girl friends swear by it. I don't know why. I usually don't trust books that girls suggest to me, I'm not sexist or anything, it's just....Pride and Prejudice....I don't like it and I never will. I get why girls like it but....I just don't really care what Mr. Darcy says to Elizabeth. I know it's supposed to be enduring love and all but....yeah whatever. ANYWAYS, I definitely was skeptical about this book when it was first told to me but I came around. It's not the most well written book (sorry for being a book snob) but it does tell a good story and does give interesting insight into what Hosea and Gomer were thinking. (If you don't know, God asks Hosea to marry a prostitute name Gomer. Gomer runs away, Hosea chases after her and they end up together later on)

So as I've been reading Hosea and such books, something's been stewing in the back of my mind, not really giving it too much thought but I know it's there. I know the Bible isn't prescribing the reader to go out and marry a prostitute, but it's a story none the less. It's a story about true love and how it endures, suffers, and takes great pains to pursue the one you love. So really, after all this I'm left with a question: What would I do if my wife cheated on me? Or if your husband cheated on you? It's a hard question to answer or even think about because we know it's our there (50% divorce rate) but we avoid it like some sort of taboo topic. I mean, what would you do.....really? Because it IS the one thing in the Bible that allows for a divorce, but as my good friend pointed out to me in a conversation about this....God didn't divorce us. Though we cheat and betray Him everyday, He still chooses us to be His bride.

Oh how He loves us...

God does not forget, nor does He abandon, our passions that He stirs in us. He fulfills them, within in His timing.

Around the House

Santa Barbara and Huntington Beach

The American Paradox

More than ever, we have big houses and broken homes, high incomes and low morale, more comfortable cars and more road rage. We excel at making a living but often fail at making a life. We celebrate our prosperity but yearn for purpose. We cherish our freedom but long for connection. In an age of plenty, we feel spiritual hunger. (David Myers)