TAKE A MOI MOI

My Best Friend

2011-06-21T22:30:00.000-07:00

I will be your hide and seek partner when you have no one to play with,
And I will help dig for buried treasure in the sand when shovels and buckets are lacking.
If you ever feel alone, sad, or bored, I will be there to listen, counsel and give hugs.
I will be there to make you feel special,
I will be there to make you feel loved,
And I will be there to make you feel extraordinary.
Etiquette and manners are of no use to me, and I will never ask those things of you.
All I ask for is your love and I will give you mine forever.

Patience

2011-04-13T14:01:00.000-07:00

It's hard to really know how much patience you have until you're stretched to your limit, brought to a point where you feel like frustration is about to burst through and you make a big scene and everyone is looking at you awkwardly. We like to think that we're patient, kind and understanding people, but we're really not (at least I'm not). I've been working for an autism center for 5 or 6 months now and let me say, this is probably the hardest job I've ever had. I basically meet with families with children that have autism and do session of behavioral therapy. What I actually do depends on what the kid needs and what his goals are, everybody's different. It's a very rewarding job but also very exhausting mentally. A one hour session requires loads of mental preparation to keep myself sane. It actually sounds pretty horrible the more I describe it but it's more about me and my lack of patience. When people ask me how I like the job, I always tell them I'm learning a lot about myself, about how little patience I actually have.

It makes me think about God and his patience for us. I work with these kids a few hours out of the week, but God sees us every moment of every day, yet he has enough patience to hold back his wrath and say to us, "It's ok." It's a very humbling reality to know that God has that much more patience that I do. I've never head God say to me that He's fed up with me and storm away fuming with frustration, which is what I've experienced a lot with my earthly father. A lot of the times rather, I feel, even in my lowest moments in life, God's joy blanketing over me with enough affection to where my failures no longer matter.

I will never have this kind of patience, I'm just not capable of it, this is one that God kept for Himself. But this brings me comfort to know that His patience will always be enough for me.

Have you eaten yet?

2011-02-01T21:55:00.000-08:00

My parents provided for me, sometimes emotionally but mainly financially. The lack of emotional is something I can't change and is not to be made light of. It is a sad reality but reality none the less. So often I forget my parents guidance in school, life skills, and manners. And not to mention food in my belly everyday. I forget those things and I focus on what is lacking. Where is my emotional support? Why are you not encouraging? These are valid questions and asking/wanting these things doesn't make us weak in any way. We are social beings and it's natural for us to desire these things. Everybody wants a comforting touch and warm words when we're going through tough times. But when we really look deeper into what our parents went through, I believe we get a better picture of their lives and why they do the things they do.

I remember sitting with my grandma a few months ago and she was telling us stories back in the day when they lived in China. I could see her getting lost in her own words, surrounding herself with dusty memories that haven't been entertained in decades. I could almost picture the field that she played in, the primitive yet amazing ways they used to amuse themselves. My grandma said she used to catch cicadas (those crazy big bugs that make this rattling/buzzing sound) by chewing strawberries(because they didn't have gum) and sticking it on a long stick and basically pock the cicadas in the tree and trapping them in the sticky strawberry goo(I'll spare you the details of what she did with them next). Amazing. I can also picture the kung fu tournaments held in the market places with people flying on tables and roof tops. Wait, they had those right? Maybe I've been watching too many kung fu movies.

But it wasn't all care free play time back then. She also talked about how she and her siblings would be forced into refugee because of the civil war going on. They eventually made it to Taiwan but it was a long road traveled. The only things they had were their wits and each other. And the only thing that mattered was getting food in their belly and trying not to starve. What good would talking about their feelings do? They had to survive. So when the first thing I get asked when I'm home is, "Have you eaten?" and not "How are you? So glad you're back!" I don't see a lack of emotional support, I see a desire for their son to survive.

So when I have children I'll do my best to be an emotionally supportive father, encouraging them in their own journey of life. But I'll also make sure they know where they come from, telling stories of how their great grandparents suffered and endured so that we, their children, may have the privilege to enjoy the things they never had.

So thank you grandma, thank you grandpa. Thanks mom, thanks dad.

Daddy

2010-12-21T12:33:00.000-08:00

I cannot call Him Daddy, yet it rings truer and truer in my ear,
The closeness to His tenderness is what I seem to fear,
I have no memory with my father of this deep connection,
But He continues to beckon me to call upon Him in this deep reflection,
What is it about this word that demands my attention so?
As if this intimacy I once used to know,
Something so familiar and safe yet so distant,
I hear Him calling my name I cannot resist
Him begging me to call Him Daddy.

Funny things we do at gyms

2010-12-10T18:52:00.000-08:00

I was at the gym yesterday and the funniest thing happened (and by funniest thing, I mean the funniest thing that has happened at a gym). Warming up on a treadmill next to me was a guy who was doing some stretches on the treadmill, fairly typical. But then he started into some deep stretches that mimicked a ballet dancer, and he goes at it for a good 5 minutes. At this point the awkwardness is pretty apparent, people (me) are spying from their peripheral. Then he starts running, finally, but then he starts galloping.....like a gazelle! Every other step is a leap into the weirdest workout I've ever seen, and one step closer to me bursting out in laughter. Oh man it was so hard not to laugh.

The gym is a funny place.

Dance for Joy

2010-11-01T23:11:00.000-07:00

Me

2010-09-24T15:35:00.000-07:00

It is a poignant day as I watch the leaves sway,
back and forth on the branches jagged and alone,
without their hanging friends they are truly known.
I fill my life with fluff and pleasant smelling scents,
like the lonely branches without them I am bare and,
relent-lessly finding new ways to hide my secret.
It is the alone-ness that I fear,
hanging on like two agents in black after my dear,
and precious guarded insecurities
that I hold so tightly to keep safe and close,
because if the world lays it's sights upon them,
it will shrink back and wither oh little rose.
Lots of friends, trendy clothes and latest gizzmos,
maybe it is not you who defines me. No,
it is the darkest night filled with silence so loud it deafens
where I find my deepest Me,
the Me who God so fearfully and intricately made me to be.
That Me.
The Me that seeks no ones approval but the Father,
the Me that is willing to go,
farther and further past the sandiest desert man can map,
to the deepest part of my soul that I fear the most.
Where no monsters with horns and three heads stay,
but where my dreams and my fears intertwine and lay,
colliding together and making it the scariest place on earth.
So do not ask me where I will go for the Lord,
but ask me if I will stay,
in the place where no sword
nor shield are needed,
but only courage and faith is your weapon,
against the questions you are so afraid to ask, and
pride preys upon,
the meek and humble minded Me I am so afraid to be.
That is where I will go for the Lord,
to find the Me deep down within me,
and embrace him like an old friend you once knew and remembered.
A smirk, a smile, and a freckle you've once seen,
Oh Joy, it is you!
The Me deep down within me.
Stay, my friend and we will enjoy the simplest pleasures,
for it is the Lord's fetter
that allows us to be together.
Let us catch up on old times, reminisce of good days,
the days where we climbed trees and danced in the waves
of the ocean that seems to wash upon it's shore,
hints and clues to a secret He knows,
a secret that can be found only
by working together and traveling on a road,
where two sets of feet look better than one.
Come Me.

Oh how He loves us...

2010-08-20T14:40:00.000-07:00

The past couple days of tv-watching have been really interesting, I can't seem to get away from shows talking about divorce, love, infidelity, etc. One day I saw an episode of Dr. Phil where a married woman was having a romantic relationship with a man not her husband. It was a love triangle and all three of them were on the show sitting beside each other finally confronting the issue. Another day I saw a 20/20 episode (I think it was) where a newly wed couple from London would drive down the Pan-American Highway on a motorcycle. 20,000+ miles! (Yikes that's a long ride!) But after the ride they would have their brain scanned to see how much brain activity is occurring in the "love" department of the brain.

I don't know if it's just me but it seems like even in the 21st century, we're still nowhere closer to figuring out love and marriage. We have brains scans to tell us where our brain is most active and we have books on marriage and counseling but the divorce rate is still 50%. It just seems like there's a disconnect somewhere, something we're not getting and we can't seem to figure out what it is.

For the past year or so I've been reading the book of Hosea. Even read a book called Redeeming Love, which retells the story of Hosea in the 1800's, all my Christian girl friends swear by it. I don't know why. I usually don't trust books that girls suggest to me, I'm not sexist or anything, it's just....Pride and Prejudice....I don't like it and I never will. I get why girls like it but....I just don't really care what Mr. Darcy says to Elizabeth. I know it's supposed to be enduring love and all but....yeah whatever. ANYWAYS, I definitely was skeptical about this book when it was first told to me but I came around. It's not the most well written book (sorry for being a book snob) but it does tell a good story and does give interesting insight into what Hosea and Gomer were thinking. (If you don't know, God asks Hosea to marry a prostitute name Gomer. Gomer runs away, Hosea chases after her and they end up together later on)

So as I've been reading Hosea and such books, something's been stewing in the back of my mind, not really giving it too much thought but I know it's there. I know the Bible isn't prescribing the reader to go out and marry a prostitute, but it's a story none the less. It's a story about true love and how it endures, suffers, and takes great pains to pursue the one you love. So really, after all this I'm left with a question: What would I do if my wife cheated on me? Or if your husband cheated on you? It's a hard question to answer or even think about because we know it's our there (50% divorce rate) but we avoid it like some sort of taboo topic. I mean, what would you do.....really? Because it IS the one thing in the Bible that allows for a divorce, but as my good friend pointed out to me in a conversation about this....God didn't divorce us. Though we cheat and betray Him everyday, He still chooses us to be His bride.

Oh how He loves us...

2010-06-23T17:59:00.000-07:00

God does not forget, nor does He abandon, our passions that He stirs in us. He fulfills them, within in His timing.

Around the House

2010-04-28T18:27:00.000-07:00

Santa Barbara and Huntington Beach

2010-04-28T18:16:00.000-07:00

The American Paradox

2010-03-12T22:52:00.000-08:00

More than ever, we have big houses and broken homes, high incomes and low morale, more comfortable cars and more road rage. We excel at making a living but often fail at making a life. We celebrate our prosperity but yearn for purpose. We cherish our freedom but long for connection. In an age of plenty, we feel spiritual hunger. (David Myers)

"Everything a boy needs to know about becoming a man"

2009-11-26T23:42:00.000-08:00

" Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most. That people are basically good. That honor, courage and virtue mean everything; that power and money ... money and power mean nothing. That good always triumphs over evil. And that love....true love never dies! Doesn't matter if it is true or not, a man should believe in those things , because those are the things worth believing in."
-Hub McCann

It's been a month

2009-10-21T22:43:00.000-07:00

First beer I've had in a month. The carbonation laced with the sweet aroma of the seasonal grain intertwined with the malty texture that is left lingering long after the beer is finished. Amazing.

October

2009-10-05T23:15:00.000-07:00

October new herds along something fresh and sound,
It beckons me forth with her sweet aroma so familiar,
I dare not hasten toward the temptation found,
For what lies behind may not be so dear.
A heart that yearns and is known will find ache,
but one that makes trust it's own,
will find only that it has turned to stone.

Acting My Age

2009-10-01T00:49:00.000-07:00

I am 23 years old, young, active, and ready for life. So why does my life style mirror one of 35 year old? While my peers are out partying on Friday night, going to clubs, getting drunk, meeting woman, I on the other hand, stay home, watch tv, and read a book. When my peers ask me what I'll be doing on Friday night or which party I'll be going to, I am hesitant and even sometimes embarrassed to admit that I will be doing neither but rather staying home reading a book or going to a dinner party.

Who ever said that I have to take advantage of my youth by "living it up", when, while we're older we realized that those things are menial and the things that really matter in life are elsewhere? So what that I like a quiet night at home, so what if I prefer a dinner party over a night club? I like quiet nights, and I like dinner parties.

Proof that possibly 35 years old is my actual age:
1. I actually think and look forward to marriage and parenthood.
2. I enjoy dinner parties.
3. I LOVE books.
4. I avoid loud and crowded places.
5. There are more spices than just garlic.
6. Puns and satires are amusing.

Working With My Hands

2009-09-07T22:15:00.000-07:00

The past couple days I've been helping my friend paint/remodel their house. I honestly haven't been this tired in a really long time, but also the most satisfying. So seldom, in such a technologically savvy world where everything came be done for you by a flick of a switch or a push of a button, do I get a chance to do something with my hands. To be able to work with something with your hands and see it grow and come to life creates a feeling of deep satisfaction and joy down in my gut.

I wonder if this is what God meant work to be when He created it, and simultaneously at that, the desire for work inside of us? To come home after a day of work with a sourness in your bones. A good sourness though, a sourness that can only come from doing something that you really love.

"In that day men will cast away to the moles and the bats their idols of silver and their idols of gold, which they made for themselves to worship." Isaiah 2:20

In that day, when the Lord comes, our hands will be doing once again what they were meant to be doing: worshiping God.

The Soldier and the Nurse

2009-07-18T06:55:00.000-07:00

Her hair is tied up in a messy, but sexy bun supported by a blue bandanna, which made her stand out to him in the first place. This will have been only the third time he's met her but he can't take his eyes off of her. Underneath the blood stained and baggy rags she's wearing and has wrapped around her he sees something soft and elegant. They step outside away from the moans and screams to get some air. The air is cold and stings their lungs but they bare with it. They find two chairs scattered about the rubble, they barely even stand but it will do. As they sit he notices that she starts reaching for something in her pocket.
"Chocolate?"
He doesn't say anything, but stares at her hands. As she begins to peal the foil away from the chocolate bar, he can't but focus on the blood crusted onto her skin and finger nails. He laughs under his breath.
"What?"
"Your hands."
She looks done at her hands clumsily, "My hands?"
"You are a good nurse."
"No, no. I never want to treat a wounded man again. I would rather work in a butcher shop."
"But your touch... it calms people. This is a gift from God."
"No." shaking her head, "God would never give something so painful."
Tears begin to glaze over her eyes thinking about the men she has treated in the past. The pain in their voices, the eagerness in their screams asking for the sweet release of death. She shakes her head in attempt to shake these memories burned into her mind. It's no use.
"NURSE!" a voice screams from inside.
She rushes in frantically while trying to tie her hair back with the blue bandanna. He sits there alone, reminiscing again about her bandanna. This is the last time that they will meet. Love fluttered it's wings oh so gently for a brief moment in time, but in another moment just the same it's gone.

Snarky Sayings

2009-07-11T02:04:00.000-07:00

I've had a lot of "sayings" or "catch phrases" in my time, and my friends as well. But there is one that I really do not like. It's known as the "...you would" saying. It's kind of caught on within the past year or so, and everyone is saying it! It's said after someone has said or done something that is consistent with previous behavior. For example:

Person 1: "I totally got some Mexican food late last night, and I loved it!"
Person 2: (in response) "...you would."

It's so hard for me to describe with sensible words how much I do not like this saying. First of all it's mean, and who likes mean people? No one. I don't like it because it gives the person saying it a sort of dominant position over the other person, as if they know that person sooo well. I suppose it's a sort of sick way of being condescending or smart.

I'm reminded of a Jack Johnson song called "Wasting Time." The chorus goes:

Everybody thinks, that everybody know about everybody else,
Nobody knows anything, about themselves,
Cuz they're all worried about everybody else.

How true these words are about people who say that. People need to stop with this saying and stop thinking they know other people so well. If you couldn't tell, I really do not like that saying.

Park Day With A Monster

2009-07-03T20:28:00.001-07:00

Come with me, let me take you to this place I give you my word,
It's not a Volcano.

It's been such a long day, your dogs look tired,
How does a day in the park sound?

Dooday, dooday, dooday, dooday,
Please say you'll stay
Dooday, dooday,, dooday, dooday
Please say you'll play, it's just too early to go

Why don't we have a park day?

Doesn't the grass feel nice? Don't worry bout the eyes watchin.
Isn't it nice just to be, dandy?

I can't sing or play the guitar, but if you want to,
But I can hold your hand to the park.

Dooday, dooday, dooday, dooday,
Please say you'll stay
Dooday, dooday,, dooday, dooday
Please say you'll play, it's just too early to go

Why don't we have a park day?

The First Steps

2009-06-26T07:16:00.000-07:00

It feels like it's been a month already but we've only been here for a few days. So far God has been doing amazing things. $27,000 to send 5 teams around the world....raised in 1 day. This is one persons salary we are talking about here, raised in a day. This is God's economy.

So far we've been just settling in and getting a feel for Kyoto. Checking out the eateries, the campuses, the bus system, you know the basics. We're really going to get things cranking on monday when we really start going to Campus. Me and 5 others will be at Rikio (I think I spelled that right) University. Pictures will come.

3 Days Into Briefing

2009-06-20T00:08:00.001-07:00

I am exhausted. Christianese culture is sometimes too much. I feel like a kid who has been told that I will be going to Disneyland in a week. Being here at the briefing and waiting to go to Japan is making me a bit anxious, and tired. But necessary things are coming.

Woo-Girls

2009-06-16T13:38:00.000-07:00

What is a Woo-Girl? Well...

A Woo-Girl is a female who is often found going 'WOOOOOO!' in public. This behavior is most often exhibited while in the presence of other woo-girls. It is speculated that this is a mating call used to attract men of less than average intelligence. This behavior can most easily be observed in bar districts, at maroon 5 concerts, or spring break destinations.

Common phrases heard:

"Who wants to play beer pong?!"
collectively, "WOO!!"

"I am soo drunk right now!"
collectively, "WOO!!"

If ever you are to be in the presence of Woo-Girls, do not panic. Slowly back away and notify me immediately.

Scared out of my mind!

2009-06-12T16:38:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving for Japan on summer project in about a week or so. I'm coleading this one, and I am scared out of my mind. I'm scared about raising support, scared about talking to people, scared about what God will do with our lives. This will be my fourth summer project and it is in no way easier. Actually, the fact that it's my fourth one, makes me so much more sensitive to the little things that need to be done to pull something like this off. This just means I have to depend on the Lord that much more now. It is terrifying how much I have to give up. But I give it gladly.

But If I Lack Love...

2009-05-18T00:48:00.000-07:00

"I may have faith to make mountains fall, but if I lack love, I am nothing at all"
- Lauren Hill

This is one of my favorite lyrical rhymes from Lauren Hill who is such a talented rapper/ artist. And one of the things that makes her so unique is that she sings from scripture. This lyric is actually taken from 1 Corinthians 13:1, and it speaks about the Excellence of Love. Even after I've typed these lyrics out, I'm still amazed at it's message. It's core is so simple and yet so profound. We can have all the spiritual gifts that God can offer, but without love all our speaking in tongues, fasting, endless prayers, mission trips to save the world mean nothing.

I can look back to a hand full of times in my past where I would a conversation with someone about the faith in Jesus, and I could have cared less about whether that person ended up in Heaven or Hell. All I cared about was being right. Nothing else mattered. In hindsight I can see how God has been faithful in growing me and teaching me how love. But I will probably never see those people again and I will never be able to take those words back. The words have been exchanged and the emotions have been felt. I'll probably never get a chance to apologize to those people but I'm going to say I'm sorry anyways. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being such a hypocritical Christian. I'm sorry for taking the love God offered to us and perverting it into a competition of right and wrong. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel angry or unloved. But most of all I'm sorry if I ever in any way hindered you from seeing God's unfailing and unwavering love for you.

It's never been about me, it never will. My so called "faith" is and always will be a vessel to which God pours out His love. May my faith never be a podium of pride and glory from which I stand and boast. For what more can I boast in than the love of Jesus? I bow humbly before the true and only source of our faith- God.

What do you stand for?

2009-04-24T01:50:00.000-07:00

I'm coming home from a leadership meeting with epic and I am overwhelmed with an emotion in which I can only describe as Frustration. What are we as men standing for?

A student shares about an event that happened this past week which involved himself and a friend hanging around a pool. They get into the jacuzzi and there are two other guys there. They start talking and the topic of Legal Prostitution in Amsterdam comes up. Our two students are flabbergasted and don't know what to say, so they just leave. Then he goes on to explain that as Christians we need to discern when it is the appropriate time to speak up. I'm thinking to myself.....DISCERN WHAT?!!? Is Prostitution not a big enough issue for us as "Christians" to take a stand and say...."Enough, we WILL not stand around while you disgrace women like that!"

Some may disagree, for example the people in that meeting, but I personally feel this is a huge problem, specifically Christian men. We are so concerned about making sure the other person doesn't feel offended, and treading softly that we forget to stand for what is right! There is no waiting around to see if the conversation can head in a direction where the Gospel can be presented. This is exactly what happened to Adam and Eve. Adam waited around too long to "see where the conversation is leading" instead of saying "DROP THAT APPLE!" We wait- righteousness and justice is lost. What are we standing for? Jesus in the temple with the merchants. Jesus didn't wait around or go around quietly to the merchants asking them to leave. Jesus saw injustice and He acted with Passion, Anger, Zeal, and opened a can on their ass.

When my life comes to an end, I want to say I stood for something. Justice, Love, Righteousness, Holiness, whatever. I just want to say I stood for something. What is life worth living if it is not lived by the moment, by each adrenaline pumping breath?

As a generation of men, and women, let us live lives standing for something. Dying for something.

Weekend in SLO

2009-04-12T22:28:00.000-07:00

If I could describe my weekend in SLO in a few words, they would be:
-Blessed
-Exhausted
- Relaxing

To come away from a weekend knowing that I have friends who care about me is both a humbling and joyous sensation. Sometimes I just need to be reminded that sometimes I have friends out there outside of my city who care and love me.

4 hours up and 4 hours down. Lots of driving, and my butt gets numb. But within these 8 or so hours of just me, I find that I can hear myself think. Things that I would not normally think or ponder about surfaces to my consciousness. I won't go into what those things are but it's relieving to reflect on those things.

I need a moi moi.

Crazy Lady at Borders

2009-02-01T19:45:00.000-08:00

This peculiar story begins with me studying at Borders. I like this specific Borders because everything seems spread out and wide and in view. So right when you walk into the store, all you see are books! So as I enter I heard toward the coffee section of the store with tables and chairs. I check out which tables are open and which is optimal for getting work done. I see a wide square table with no one there expect an empty chair, and I think, "Sweet!" So I settle down and lay open my massive math books and begin to work away. Then, maybe 20 minutes later this elderly Black women comes over and asks if I could switch tables with her so that she can do her "homework." Keep in mind all my math books are spread eagle. And as she makes her suggestion she points to a smaller open table about half the size of mine. I ponder for a second and try to figure out if I should oblige. I decide and I say, "No thanks, I'm going to stick with my table to do my homework." Then what comes next takes a few seconds for me to process because of the pure ridiculousness of it.

"That's Greed!"
"That's just so selfish, that's what it is!"
"This young man has no respect at all!"
...and continues for another few minutes with similar comments.

My flabber is gasted. Where the heck did this crazy old woman come from?! What the heck is she talking about?! She continues with her comments while I attempt to finish my homework but it's no use. I look around at some of the other people around me and they seem to be as in shock as I am. One gentleman says to me softly...."tell her to f*** off, finish your homework." For a moment I am comforted that at least one other person is as flustered as I am, and I am finally able to finish my homework.

I think back and it's find of funny but what a crazy situation. What a crazy lady. Where do these people come from?

Slowing Down

2009-01-06T13:54:00.000-08:00

This past holiday season has been the most non-stop, do as much as possible holiday season I've ever had. One week in Vegas, few days in SLO, and random scrambling back home. But now I've finally done all I can. I'm finally starting to slow down and take my time. And I must say, I have never slept so well consecutively ever.

Something that I love about doing nothing, is that I can do everything. I can do things that I would normally not be able to do when everything is on full blast. I can read, I can journal, I can ponder over anything and everything, I can even catch up on reading other people's posts. But the thing about slowing down is, it's not just physically slowing down that allows myself to do these things, but I literally have to mentally tell myself to take a step down. I say, "Ok, time to slow down. Slow down your breathing, close your eyes, and maybe slow down your heart alittle."

So what's next on my list of do nothings?
- Finish my book
- Journal my brains out
- Think about Philosophical mumbo jumbo
- Read my Bible
- Play my guitar

Thoughts: Don't make potstickers while blogging because they might burn......and did.

2008-11-17T16:36:00.000-08:00

I may have the faith to make mountains fall,
but lacking love, I'm nothing at all.
- Lauren Hill

Remembering Japan

2008-11-03T23:45:00.000-08:00

Tokyo is usually pretty hot, but today was cooler and a little gloomy. It has not started raining yet but I could tell by the clouds that it wouldn't be long. It's finally a day off and we're free to roam around and do as we wish. Some of my team members went shopping, some went off to find small eateries, while some just lingered around here and there. I've always liked taking walks, ever since Hawai'i Summer Project '05. Walking always gave me time to think, to ponder, to slow down. And by today I definitely need to slow down. So i grab my ipod and my bag with a few papers that I needed to mail out. I get down stairs to find that the sprinkling of rain really has not affected the typical hustle and bustle of life in Koenji, Tokyo. I put my head phones on and scroll around my playlist trying to find the appropriate genre for my walk. After a few minutes I stop on Switchfoot. Switchfoot has always been one of my favorite bands and I always enjoy reflecting on the lyrics. So I start my treck around Koenji with my music. I see the usual shops around when I normally head off to campus with a few familiar faces as I pass them by. There were a few corners and blocks that I haven't really explored since I've been here so adventure had soon become my partner in crime. I paroose around some clothing stores and convini stores for maybe something I'd like or little nick nacks to take home with me. I didn't really find anything. Everythings really expensive. I'm not suprised.

It's been about an hour or so and dinner with the team will be starting in a bit so I start making my way back to my apartment. Although I love taking walks I never enjoy it as much when there's a time constraint. I feel limited and rushed. But regardless it's been a nice walk. Then my ipod starts playing the song Stars. "When I look at the stars, I feel like my self...." Although I'm still walking, my mind pauses. I look around. All I see are buildings. Buildings and people walking in and out of them like that game SIMS. Then I look up toward the sky. The sky is turning a grayish blue with a hint of some clouds and I realize something. The sky here in Tokyo is just as beautiful as the sky in Irvine. It's just that it's harder to see here with all of the buildings. I went to Japan astonished by the statistics of suicide rates and % Christian and wondering...Why? But now I get it. How can the people here take time to slow down and smell the roses or look up at the stars when the buildings are in the way. I can see how people get caught up in work, money and sex here when all you see are buildings. It almost forces you to B-line to where ever you are going.

I've held on to this moment. Whenever I feel rushed, overwhelmed, or hopeless, I just look to the stars. Something about looking up and seeing the stars so far away in the dark emptyness of space makes me feel so insignificant. Feeling insignificant usually isn't the best feeling in the world but in this situation it's just such a relief. When I'm insignificant, then that means my worrys are insignificant. Whether I pay the bills on time, or if get that grade, or why relationships with girls suck, all of a sudden take a back seat to the feeling of awe and timelessness of God. Things will always come up, shit happens, but life is too short to be on a stuck in a hamster wheel.

"When I look at the stars, I feel like myself...."
-Switchfoot

2008-10-27T00:10:00.000-07:00

"For am I now seeking the favor of men, or for God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10

Do I fear man or God? Do I serve man or God?

After Halo

2008-10-17T01:18:00.000-07:00

My adrenaline is pumping and I can't go to sleep. This weekend should be good.